Why women take so long in the bathroom??

[Louvit]

Why women take so long in the pissser??

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place.


Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every
stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly
knocking down the woman leaving the stall.


You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The
dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's mom, no
doubt) is handy, but empty.


You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there
isn't - - so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck, (Mom
would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down
your pants, and assume "The Stance." In this position your aging,
toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper o n it, so you hold "The Stance." To take your
mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be
the EMPTY toilet paper dispenser.


In your mind, you can hear your mom's voice saying, "Honey, if you had
tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet
paper!" Your thighs shake more.


You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the
one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it
in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.


Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The
door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your
chest, and you and your purse topple backwards against the tank of the
toilet.


"OCCUPIED!" you scream, as you reach for the door dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your
footing altogether, and s lide down directly on the TOILET SEAT. It is
wet of course.


You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom
has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there
was any, even if you had taken time to try.


You know your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,
you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat
because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you
could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose
that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto
the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.


At that point, you g ive up. You are soaked by the spewing water and the
wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You tr y to wipe with a gum wrapper
you found in your pocket and then slink out conspicuously to the sinks.


Now, you can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic
sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk
past the line of women still waiting.


You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the
very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from
your shoe.


(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe,
plunk it into the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just
might need this." As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took
you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?


"This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom
(REST??? - You've got to be kidding!!).

It finally explain s to the men what really does take us so long. It
also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to
the restroom in pairs.


It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand
you Kleenex under the door.

[Stubbs]

LOL! That was hilarious and ya know, very true in very many aspects!

[z28camarocarri]

LOL!!!

Nice post Lou!

[CamaroQueen]

Ya I never ever let my purse sit on the floor of a public restroom.
I am a germaphobe so yep the toulet set thing is nasty and after i leave if the trach is not near the door the papertowel i used to open the door to leave is now on the floor. hahahahaha. I absolutely hate public restrooms.

Great post. I had to laugh. You basically desribed me.

[Desert Rat]

I'm glad my wife isn't bashful...we can go 4x4ing all day and she'll just wander around in front of the truck and tell me to stand guard...LOL

[SL1Tra]

I hate some public restrooms. depending on the line, I'll end up holding it til I get home or until i come across another restroom.

Ya know whats frustrating?! One time I took the time to put down one of the paper seat guards. Just as I got it ready, the autoflow triggered my movement and flushed the **** thing! I was so mad. I had to do it again and try to not move too much in front of the sensor.

Then a few weeks ago I was shopping with my mom at Kmart. All of a sudden I had to go REALLY BAD. I asked where the bathrooms were. I was appalled when my mom told me they were UPSTAIRS!!! I had to run up 2 flights of stairs to reach the restroom. What a nightmare that was!

If guys could experience what we go through, they wouldnt be so quick to say "what took you so long?"

Port-a-potties are even worse! The knob on the door indicates that its occupied. Has anyone else experienced some random ass that comes along and starts to yank on it as if its just stuck!?! So you yell out in despiration "occupied!!!" And of course all they say..."oops..sorry" if they even say that at all.

[SexyHawk]

LOL!!!! That was awesome!! I especially like the reason women go in pairs b/c it's sooo true! One time on a drive to or from Indiana we stopped for gas. This was one of those rare occassions that I actually had to go badly enough to use the gas station restroom. Well, I was all alone in there and alas, there is no toilet paper. So, b/c I'm so brilliant, I called Chris on my cell told him there was no toilet paper and to send in a female employee. Thus, I got toilet paper

Most of the time I refuse to use gas station restrooms. Fast food restrooms are ok if I'm really in need and they are clean, but more often than not, I make Chris stop at an exit with mid-class hotels so I can use the lobby bathrooms

[Greg Norris]

im so glad i can pee standing up. lol

[CamaroQueen]

Originally Posted by Greg Norris

im so glad i can pee standing up. lol

we can too our aim is just not all that good

[Greg Norris]

Originally Posted by CamaroQueen

we can too our aim is just not all that good

but how far can you shoot?

[CamaroQueen]

Originally Posted by Greg Norris

but how far can you shoot?

I dont know I never tried shooting. I'll let you know tomorrow. Too tired tonight to care but I will try it tomorrow and get back with you.

[SexyWS6Mama]

story funny.....

i take too long because i fix my hair every 5 secs in front of a mirror!!

[fl_camaro]

Neither is most men's.

P.S. Carry some napkins from restraunts, it has goten Alisha out of that jam a few times.

[Spyderking69]

lol one of the many reasons im greatful im a man

[LT1RUNNER]

Originally Posted by CamaroQueen

I dont know I never tried shooting. I'll let you know tomorrow. Too tired tonight to care but I will try it tomorrow and get back with you.

That's just wrong. Haha!