I really need some advice....

[Shortee]

Ok, so I need some advice and you guys are always there for me when I need it. So here's the situation.....

Not too long ago (a few weeks) I was out with my sister and when I got home I noticed there was a message on my AIM. A friend of mine knew I wasn't home and wrote a message to me, knowing I wouldnt see it until later. Now, this is a really good friend of mine. He is practically a part of my family and I always considered him to be like a brother to me. So here is what he said....


im mad at u
i hate that u go after the wrong guys
i know u wont get this until later so im writing this u now
it sucks tha u pic the wrong guy
when u have the guy that will treat u right, right in front of u
i dont know what im saying but yea
i love u
i always have
i would give u everthing
in my life
just to make u happy
and u konw that
but u wont realize that
u most likely never get this
but i have to tell u
u take care this is most likely the last time i will talk to u
because it is to hard for me to talk to u
sorry to end things like this but
i have to
u most likely hate me for this
and im sorry
u know me well enough to understand why i have to do this like this
take care please
i LOVE U WITH ALL MY HEART
take care bye bye


So basically that was 8 years of friendship.... gone.... and i miss him dearly, but he is nothing more than a really good friend, a part of my family.... now things are really awkward between us. He has sent me a couple messages here and there, but I don't know how to react. I dont know what to do or how to make him understand that I love him to death, but as a friend... and ONLY as a friend. So my question is.....

What should I do?? What can I do?? How do I tell him how I feel?? Is there any way to avoid hurting him?? Is there anyway to save the friendship or is it gone for good??

[sdavis2702]

here's my honest advice heather. i've learned in the past that the person you want as your lover... must (some say should) be a friend as well. your best friend in my opinion. if he REALLY loves you and wants to be with you... i think he should care for you and love you unconditionally as a friend as well.

so with that being said. tell him exactly how you feel. if he truly does love you... he can still be your dear friend because his love should have a "friend" foundation. if he wants nothing to do with you because you dont love him back that way... then he's no friend to begin with and thats not who you should have as a lover anyway.

so basically... though he will hurt... he should understand. if he bounces... then yes... bye bye 8 years.

[Lyle A]

I agree with Sean. Tell him like it is with a soft voice. I have been in his shoes. He will still be your friend if he really loves you. It just hurts him to see you get hurt. If he walks away then he really isn't a true friend. There is no greater truth than the truth itself.

[nighthawk15]

+1 for Sean. If he can't understand you don't feel the same then he's no freind.

[CARCrazy4Speed11]

Is having some one you trust and care about leaves you because they want to move on and you dont they are no friend

seans hit the nail one the head

if its ment to be it will be but if its not its not follow your heart not someone elses

[BigBadWhitey]

Agreed, the guy that will always be right infront of you and feels strongly for you may always seem like just a great friend untill you may actually realize what he is to you. its hard for the guy in that situation, because nothing seems to be going right for him, he can try everything in his power but it all falls short to someone who may seem like a jerk or a user or something.

[Wild Willy]

Any one consdier the guy's feelings? It must hurt like hell to love someone, who just ignores him, treats him like any other "friend" If you aren't interested, and are sure you never will be, let him move on, don't keep teasing him.... He has held on to hope abnd dreams for years, let him go find someone else that will return his love-

[Bowtie_Z28]

I agree with Sean on this one, I was that guy at one point in time. I even did brought everything out in the open through an MSN conversation....though things turned out very well for me in that she is now my wife it was very awkward for a while but time does heal and if he is a true friend then things will come back to normal in time.

Just so you don't all think things were perfect after I expressed my feelings to Julia I am here to tell you they were not. In-fact it was a long while that things were very awkward between the two of us and it wasn't for another 2 years that we finally started to date, and 3 years of dating, we decided on the marriage thing. Now we are happily married but that is our "love" life in a nut shell.

Basically tell him how you feel, if he truly does love you then he will understand that and will be your friend deep down to the core. If he isn't truly there for you then he never truly loved you. It will seem awkward for a while but over time with continued talking things will get better. The key is to not lose touch with eachother and things will come back as they were if not better.

[94greenbandit]

Like everyone has been saying you just need to be honest with him. It will hurt him at first but if he is truly your friend he will slowly come back

[98NBMZ]

Heather....I have been in a situation similar to this. Just be honest and tell the truth, don't lead him on.

There were several times in the 3 years that Amber (silver02ls1) and I were just friends that we had our differences and several times that she got mad at me and wouldn't even talk to me. I let it go and everytime she came back and started talking to me again. This said, after 3+ years of friendship we became best friends and finally started dating. Even then there were times she was really upset with things that were going on (mainly with my family) that she wanted to cut ties and end things right then and there. We would talk about the situation and she never left. This happened numerous times in the past 6 months (whole time we were dating). After being best friends for 3+ years and realizing there was more there, we started dating and that lasted for about 6 months. Now we are on to the newest "chapter" in our lives and just got married on the 15th of this month (december).

That said, what I am trying to say is tell him exactly how you feel and like has been mentioned...if the friendship is meant to last it will and you may eventually realize that you feel differently about him and want to take the next step.

I agree 100% with what Sean said ... "the person you want as your lover... must (some say should) be a friend as well. your best friend in my opinion."

[98NBMZ]

Well as someone that has been in this spot .... here is my advice (John left out some)

John had tried to date me for the longest time and in all honesty .... I didnt want a thing to do with him. He was there for me when no one else was there, he was part of my family and my best friend. I always played with his heart and I knew it killed him but again I didnt picture him as anything BUT my best friend and that was IT. I was in the same spot as you are right now. You love him to death but you dont picture yourself with him. I did that too, now I cant picture my life with out John in it. We have been through more roller coasters then any couple should in the 1st year. When I opened my eyes to this .... the long line of broken hearts, broken promises all stopped. When John and I started to date -- we were both scared we were going to loose our BEST FRIENDS .... we made the agreement if we feel that going away to STOP the "dating" right away cus our friendship was more important.

John - I only stopped talking to you when you were dating someone and you changed towards me!! Remember I told you off and you cried, then I cried and you came back and appologized -- haha sorry hun!!

Answer yourself this .... Who do you run to when your heart breaks?? Who do you run to when you need someone to talk to?? Who is there to pick up all your pieces when you need that one person?? If your answer is him .... there ya go. Deep down you feel more for him but it is hard to think about that right now cus you guys have been so close for so many years. Even if it is not right now .... You are supposed to marry your best friend!!

In ending, I fought against realizing that I should be with John, now we have been married for 2 weeks and starting an entire new chapter together with having a baby next year. He is my everything!!

~Amber (I really need to log in under my name)

[sdavis2702]

Originally Posted by Wild Willy

Any one consdier the guy's feelings? It must hurt like hell to love someone, who just ignores him, treats him like any other "friend" If you aren't interested, and are sure you never will be, let him move on, don't keep teasing him.... He has held on to hope abnd dreams for years, let him go find someone else that will return his love-

i think you might be reading our responce wrong. we do care about his feelings. which is why we told her to let him know how she feels. so im not really understanding you post.

[Shortee]

Originally Posted by Wild Willy

Any one consdier the guy's feelings? It must hurt like hell to love someone, who just ignores him, treats him like any other "friend" If you aren't interested, and are sure you never will be, let him move on, don't keep teasing him.... He has held on to hope abnd dreams for years, let him go find someone else that will return his love-

First off, I do care about him and his feelings. Second, who said anything about ignoring him OR teasing him? I have known him since we were 15, I met him because I was dating a really good friend of his and when my relationship ended, we stayed friends. We have always been friends, nothing more. I have never suggested or acted like anything more than that. As far as letting him "go find someone else that will return his love" .... he is welcome to, and I would love for him to. My problem, my reason for posting was how to save the 8 year friendship we had because I refuse to accept that I'm gonna lose him completely.

[Shortee]

AND to the others..... thank you for the advice....

So here's my update............ He talked to my sister, they had a long discussion about things. I don't know what she said to him, I wasn't home. When I got home, there was a box of chocolates and flowers for me with a card that read:

I'm sorry for being an . You are my best friend and I wouldn't want to lose you. Please forgive me!

The card didn't have a name on it, but I knew right away it was from him. Then I got another IM from him asking if i recieved them yet and we had a talk for a bit. Things are still awkward, but its much better than it was and now he knows exactly how i feel.

[94greenbandit]

It will only get better. Good to know he cares so much more for your friendship. It will be awkward for awhile but it seems he wants to work through it